Bits & Pieces

So, I know it has been so long since my last post, it is just that I didn't feel like writing, although  I had so much in mind. I don't know what should I call the state I was in but it was close to a coma! Let's cut it short I am writing this post to talk about many things but what really triggered me to write again is something that have been bothering me in the past 5 days. A series of unwanted dreams or as may I call it a series of unwanted NIGHTMARES. For the 5th day on the row I am having a dream that is killing me, it is almost the same dream but with slight changes from one to another or even sometimes different but having the same meaning!

LONELINESS that is the core idea of my dreams, the fact that I am always alone and that I always have a problem of fitting in, and the fact that I am betrayed and left alone from people that I think they are close to my heart. The feeling of loneliness and worrying doesn't want to leave me alone I a m full of fear and this fear doesn't want to leave me alone. I need to feel safe so I can sleep, but I don't know what can possibly make me feel safe, while every thing around me gives me a feeling of fear and worry. Well Hope it stops soon and I do hope I can find the way back to my pillow again, cause I really miss it.

Another thing that is on my mind heavily these days is the fact that I miss my pen, or my Keyboard :), I just miss writing, Yesterday I was looking at my old poetry and my old articles and I asked myself " Why they hell did I stop writing?"  Writing was who I am and now I stopped knowing who I am, I lost my identity and I lost my soul.

Imagine yourself at a restaurant and you order your favorite mushroom steak, with vegetables and rice on the side *Yummy*, but when the order comes, you are shocked it is still a steak but not your favorite steak, the mushrooms are missing and your favorite garnishes are not there, you think and then say to yourself this is not a complete meal! This exactly how I am feeling; a plate of mushroom steak without mushrooms nor garnishes. I just need lots of things to complete me, these things are within me but maybe I am to scared to let them out or maybe they don't have a chance to get out or maybe I am even too lazy to get them out!

I just want my life to be complete and me writing again is one of the things that will sure add up to my life, I miss my critical eye that triggers me into writing even if I will write lame poetry or meaningless short stories, I know I have the talent and I know I have the passion but maybe I lost the enthusiasm. For me to be able to write again anod retain back my critical eye I have to start reading again like I used to, I have to widen my horizon, I have to be me again, Cause all the good things that makes me the best mushroom steak dish are gone they no longer exist and that is killing me.

A thing that I need to do, is starting listening to more music and new music that will certainly get me back on track again, and I desperately need a camera I need to take photos and learn photography all over again, I want to start seeing life in camera lens again. I need to get busy and most of all I need to have a freakin social life! I need to feel the fun of hanging out with friends at shopping malls going through cloths, I need to have lunch with a dear friend and start talking and laughing till our mouths get dry. I need to have someone I can go out with when I am feeling lonely and bored, and most of all I need someone to talk to!

Well that is it for now!